“I” was BUSY. Working as a full time Realtor alongside my husband; the hours were crazy but the job was exciting. We were empty nesters now so it was perfect! We just had to keep ourselves watered and fed. We thrived off of the fast pace, the interactions with clients, meeting new people, comradery with our colleagues. Life was great!

No one really expects to be “fine” one minute and on death’s doorstep the next. It’s a feeling that is inexplicable, unbelievable and surreal. I felt like I was floating outside my body. We are all human and although we think it will never happen to us. It can. I was probably the least likely candidate to get a serious illness. I’ve been annoying my family and friends for years with my perfect eating, organics, exercise, and using natural products all the while harping on everyone that I loved to do the same.

I suppose there were signs. I was tired but we were working crazy hours. I was having a hard time remembering things but I’m not a spring chicken anymore. The physical signs were on my legs; red spots and bruises on my knees. The past couple of days I had noticed unusual bleeding in my mouth and other oddities; so I knew I needed to get checked and probably shouldn’t put this one off. I quipped to a friend after searching Google. “I either have a heat rash or leukemia” Off I went to the clinic just in case, and so it started; a series of events that put me on what I believe is MY journey and the trajectory that saved me from my life.

I visited a new clinic in the neighbourhood and got right in. I had never met the doctor before and he didn’t seem to have the people skills to say hello or ask me my name. I sat down and awkwardly adjusted my clothing so he could have a look at my legs. “They look weird”, he said and asked me if I had shaved them recently. “Ummmm. I don’t think that’s the problem here?” “Dr. Google said I should probably get a blood test,” I suggested. My underwhelmed doctor wrote me a script and off I went to a small local lab nearby. It wasn’t busy when I arrived at the lab but as I was signing in, the power went out. “I don’t have time for this.” I sat there thinking. 'Do I stay or do I go now?’ There’s another lab across town, it’s 20 minutes away and usually packed with people. ``Patience is a virtue,” my mother always said and the best case is to wait it out here. The friendly lady sitting next to me agrees and she stays with me. We waited an hour for the power to come back on, they took my blood and I was out of there. I had a listing appointment and some prep work to finish up for a 6pm appointment that evening, so back to work I went.

Arriving home after my appointment, it was 715pm and my phone rang as I walked in the front door. It was a doctor on the line. “Kimberley Mallory?” We’ve reviewed your lab results and you need to go straight to emergency!” WTF?? Okay! “Can you please let my family doctor know what’s going on?” My mind was racing... this is probably NOT GOOD. My husband and I ran around the house gathering a bag and we raced down to our local hospital. They saw me coming a mile away, promptly handed me a mask and whisked me away into isolation. Two nurses sat me in a chair, rolled up a cart, and drained me of whatever blood I had. 22 vials to be exact. I had been in isolation in the emergency ward for two nights getting blood transfusions and tests when my family doctor arrived. I was relieved to see her but I watched as she was looking over her shoulder at me with grave concern. She was on the phone and kept glancing back at me and gesturing toward the computer. They were trying to get some sort of a bone marrow test booked and nothing was available. It would have to wait until Monday. The look on my doctor’s face told me that I wouldn’t make it to any appointments on Monday. I didn’t have that much time. I was given a form to fill out. At the end of the form it asked if I had any special requests. I wrote down: “Please don’t let me die!!!” I thought it was funny. My husband did not but I’ve always used humour in any bad situation to lighten the mood.

My Doctor, My Saviour

Within 12 hours my family doctor had pulled some strings and had me in an ambulance to Vancouver General Hospital. I had been midway through a blood transfusion and they needed a nurse to accompany me for the ride. It was a battle of wills since my nurse was getting off shift and no one wanted to do the round trip to Vancouver.. The nurses were yelling and arguing with each other about who would be the one to go. It was quite entertaining. In the end, the poor nurse who was probably just finishing up a twelve hour shift lost the battle. There was no time to wait and they started rolling me out. I said goodbye and joked that I’m sure they got me out of there quickly because I was the pain in the ass that kept pulling the emergency bell that gets 10 people in your room at once. In the ambulance I quipped with the nurse that was tending to me and gave her advice on how to deal with depressed teenagers.

I ended up in Vancouver General Hospital on the 15th floor at the Bone Marrow Transplant/Leukemia ward. I arrived knowing that my Bone Marrow had “given up.” My t- cells were attacking my good blood cells. They thought I had Leukemia or Aplastic Anemia. Coincidentally, my cat, whom I adore, got sick last year and they thought she had Leukemia too. It turned out to be Anemia and she recovered nicely so obviously I was hoping it would be the latter of the two diseases and we could have that extra bonding experience. Plus with her recovery she ended up getting a daily dose of fish to keep her iron up, so her life is better for what she had to go through. If my cat can beat this and come out better for it, so can I.

I arrived in Acute Care and the tests began. My life as I knew it had just ended. Now I’m a “doer” and I’m told that even after I get out of the hospital I can’t drive, I can’t do laundry, I can’t cook, I can’t garden, I can’t be around animals, I can’t be around people, cats, babies. My immune system is gone. I’m going to be in the hospital for a while. They are pumping me full of antibiotics and my blood counts have tanked to dangerously low levels. I need regular transfusions of red blood and platelets... Great.

I am in a studio apartment, by myself, on the 15th floor of the hospital overlooking the city. Not so bad. This pad would cost at least $2000 a month with this city view. The doctor arrives and we discuss my situation and a treatment plan. It’s going to be a long haul and I can’t pretend this isn’t happening, much as I like to sweep things under the rug and downplay everything. I’m down for the count and I can’t hide it or fake it this time. I have to deal with the reality of it and what that means for myself, my clients, my family and friends.

Everything was a blur and by this time my family was in chaos freaking out because “I’m gonna die.” I told the doctors “Do whatever you need to do, I won’t complain.” I was trying to be positive but outside the walls of the hospital my family and friends were falling apart and losing it. Being sensitive to “bad” energy I thought “They are either going to give themselves a heart attack, or they are going to curse me with their negativity and I’m doomed.” My spidey senses told me that I had to tame the beast, I’m not dead yet and I’m not taking any chances. Positive thoughts ONLY. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m in good hands and all I can do is ‘be.’ They tell me I’ve got a 70% chance. I plan on taking that 30% to work the energy, stay positive and round it up to 100%. I am going to beat this.

One by one I called each of my family members and told them that they need to switch their thought process from negative to positive. Their worry, strife and panic are going to kill them surely before it’s my time to go and this isn’t about them. This is about me. It’s my battle to fight and I need them to remain calm so I can be calm. I need their positive energy to get through this. I also had to come out to my clients and friends. Like, tell the world I’m down for the count because that is my reality. I don’t want a bunch of people crying or offering sympathy. I need to focus on my new task at hand which is to get better so I officially declared myself Princess Kim. I made the announcement to my Facebook world then promptly put my phone on DO NOT DISTURB.

“ So I'm in VGH for the long haul. I have Aplastic Anemia and I start treatment tomorrow. I will need to stay close to the hospital which means I finally get that apartment near the city that I’ve always wished for. I’m going to be taking six months off to get better and I officially declare myself a Princess and I will do nothing but allow people to take care of me; so you may now refer to me as Princess Kim. My phone is muted but I do read the messages and respond on Princess time. *Im taking all positive thoughts and prayers * I cannot take visitors as my immune system is down. * If you want to help please donate blood and get on the list to become a stem cell/ bone marrow donor. *Feel good comments only. I am not looking for sympathy. Just love and support...."

And so my journey began. With a 70% Chance of survival and knowing without a doubt that 30% of this was on me I wasn’t going to fuck it up. Everyone I knew was praying & sending good vibes and it felt like a good start. My son in law gave me an indigenous leather wrapped healing crystal, with a feather, hand made by a chief. I had my “tools'' and books for inspirational reading that freed my mind of worry and gave me hope. Every day I cried tears of gratitude for the doctors and nurses that were working to save my life. Every day I thanked God for the prayer warriors that were sending me the energy I needed to carry on.

I have always “tried” to meditate and sometimes it worked and sometimes it would just stress me out that I couldn’t calm my mind enough to focus on it. It came to me that I should ask my friends and family to send me their good energy between 7pm & 8pm one evening. I was going to harness those good vibes & meditate on getting better. Of all the mystical and meditative experiences I have had in my life, that was the most profound. I reached a level of transcendence that I had never felt before. It was as though my body had lifted off the bed and was floating in a white light. I could feel an intense energy flowing through me. It was bright, and my tears flowed like a cleansing of all the bad while a renewal was taking place. This went on for a full hour. I had the sense that this was meant to be my journey. Something I’m supposed to experience for me to get to a better place. The divine timing of everything thus far had given me the clues I needed to know that this was happening for a reason and I accepted that.

Now that’s not to say that being sick doesn’t come with some negative emotions. It naturally comes with a feeling of immense guilt and grief. The pain and worry inflicted on my family was much worse for me than my experience of dealing with the illness. The guilt of not being there and everyone having to pick up the slack. Knowing that everyone was stressed out because of me is something that I cried a lot about but I have had to learn to forgive myself. I am loved and I love.

My journey lasted 16 months. The first round of treatment resulted in a partial recovery which wasn’t enough to sustain. So it was decided that I would need a Bone Marrow Transplant. I was extremely lucky. My brother was a 10 out of 10 match and agreed to donate his marrow. I was back in the hospital for this life saving procedure on February 20th, 2021, EXACTLY one year to the day that I was admitted to VGH for my initial treatment. Now this is serious Twilight Zone material and reinforces my belief that this was meant to be my journey..

I was very careful not to give energy to the negative and I used rituals and therapy to right my mind to focus on healing:. meditations, healing stones, energy clearings, chakra work, reiki, counselling, hypnotherapy, inspirational stories. I do not talk about the negative until it is in the past and it can no longer hurt me. Even then it is discussed as a lesson and not a complaint. I have been a work in progress and I am thankful for the changes this has brought me. Over time, I realized I was turning into the person I WANTED to be. There was no more battle of Ego vs Soul anymore. I was stripped free of ego and my heart was overflowing with love, acceptance, gratitude and a calmness I had never felt before. I was able to release the stress, worry and fear. I am a different person today and I’m thankful for this experience which has left me in awe of the medical system, the doctors and nurses and the power that we have inside of us to help create our positive outcome.

Before my transplant a friend asked me, aren’t you afraid? My answer: “There is no fear if you don’t fear death.” I can’t predict the future so why fear death? No one truly knows when their time is up. Once I was able to let go of the fear, I felt like a kid in a candy store. As I excitedly wrote to a friend: “I feel like Scrooge waking up on Christmas Morning”. Do I want to go back to my old life? Not really. I’m in a renewal phase, and I’m wide open. For the first time in my entire life I am at peace which I believe translates to having reached a level of consciousness that could best be described as enlightenment.

We are all here for an undefined amount of time and to learn to live a peaceful existence is mindfulness. To have an appreciation for the little things should be a goal everyone should strive for. This experience has changed me. I am the light, I am centred, self aware, pure consciousness, free, I am my higher self. I am liberated. I’m in a high state of energy. Open, grateful, enjoying the depth of experience, I’m balanced. Intuitive, spiritual. reborn, whole. This is the “me” that I’ve always wanted to be and it doesn’t get much better than that.

Adversity truly is growth.

“How truly magical is the human spirit that can take you through the fight of your life and have you feeling humbled and grateful and excited all the same time” - Christine Hayden